


Please Date My Friend (Please)

by Stumbling-While-Balancing (Rellanka)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, failed attempts at dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 12:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12321075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rellanka/pseuds/Stumbling-While-Balancing
Summary: Keith just wants Hunk to date him, and Pidge is a good friend that provides A+ emotional support after his attempts. One of these is only partially true.





	Please Date My Friend (Please)

Keith slammed the door behind him (gently; even while upset, he didn’t want to upset Hunk if he should hear it), walked over to the couch, and collapsed onto it with a defeated sigh. One arm was thrown over his eyes in a melodramatic fashion, and while he didn’t realize it, he was posed like a heroine in a bad regency novel, pining for her love. 

Meanwhile, Pidge watched all of this silently with an unimpressed expression, before turning back to her computer screen and adding a line of code to the software she was working on. “Still gonna turn into an old, single cat lady the minute we can find you a cat that you don’t get into a territorial pissing match with?”

Keith rolled his eyes. Pidge may not be able to see it, but he knew she would sense it. “Hi Pidge, what would I ever do without you here? How would I live through the horror of not having someone to insult me the moment I came home?”

“I live to serve.” Pidge said chirpily, before getting a little more serious as she asked, “What happened this time?”

“…Which do you want me to talk about first, the fact that Lance was there and he kept snickering when I tried to stumble through asking Hunk out, or the fact that Hunk wound up thinking I was trying to ask _Lance_ out.” Keith snapped out through gritted teeth.

Pidge did spin around in her chair at this one. “He thought you were trying to ask **Lance** out? How in the HELL did you manage to make him think that? No, how did he not realize you were trying to ask him out when it got cleared up? Wait-“ She said as her eyes widened, “Did he _actually_ reject you this time?” 

Keith lowered his arm and frowned up at the ceiling, “No.” he said absent-mindedly, “I think he just thought that I was inviting him to hang out as friends again. I don’t actually think he had any idea that I wanted it to be romantic. He just- people have made him too fucking insecure to see how beautiful he is. How fucking stupid are people that they can look at him and not want to kiss him or hold him or-“

…And, here Pidge cut Keith off. She did **not** need to listen to Keith list off all the great things he could do with Hunk, only to suddenly be listening to all the far-less-then-PG-13 things that he would like to do with him. Not again. “Yes, yes, I know, Hunk is an Adonis of a man and you want to do bad things to him and have him do bad things to you. I’ve heard all about it before. A hell of a lot more of it than I would’ve liked to… Still never letting you live down that you want him to spank you.” She finished with a smirk.

Keith glared at her for a moment, before suddenly offering a smirk of his own and stretching as he got off the couch and started toward his room, “Alright then, I’ll just be in my room,” he called back, “thinking about Hunk.”

Pidge closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as she heard Keith close his door. That asshole. He knew that she was going to be thinking that he was jerking off in there, and he also knew that she would be disturbed enough by thinking that was going on in the next room that she would have a hard time refocusing on her work. That petty bitch. This was revenge for the fact that she had eaten the last peanut butter cookie that Hunk had made for them, wasn’t it?

***

Pidge sighed as the door softly slammed again. Ah, the soundtrack of Keith’s rejection. How reliable you are. 

She froze after she actually looked up and got an eyeful of a soaking wet and silently seething Keith as he tried to wring out his hair on their welcome mat. 

“Is that- is that **milk?!** ” She finally managed. 

The scorching hot glare that Keith sent her had to be ranked in his top five, at least. 

“Don’t. Ask.” He snapped out, before stomping stiffly into his room.

***

Keith let out a soft huff as he stared up at the ceiling after yet another failed attempt to get Hunk to date him. 

“Maybe,” he said, sounding defeated and tired and not like himself at all, “maybe I should just give up and realize he’s just not into me.”

Pidge stiffened and turned from her computer screen to face him. That, that was a bit more of a concerning mood then his usual sulky pining. Keith had actually sounded _serious._ “You have been spending the better part of a year trying to ask that man out. Don’t tell me that Keith-Fucking-Kogane, who never gives up on _anything_ is going to give up on the self-proclaimed ‘love of his life’.”

Keith grimaced at the ceiling, “I’ve been spending the better part of a year trying to ask that man out and **he’s only ever misunderstood or thought I was being platonic.** I have very few platonic feelings for Hunk, Pidge. Very. Few. But maybe,” Keith continued with a deeper grimace, “Maybe he only has platonic feelings for **me**.”

Pidge could not believe the bullshit that was playing out in front of her. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? That man checks you out every time he sees you. Lance told me that he gets up early just so he can watch you come back all sweaty and disheveled from your morning runs. He has walked into his door, a lamp post, and a parked car all because you were bending down to get something somewhere where he could see. That man does **not** feel platonically toward you.”

Keith was silent, but at the very least his frown was less deep and his posture had softened a bit. Pidge sighed and turned back to her computer. It was probably best to leave it. She would have to talk with Lance, but for now she would otherwise stay out of it. But if those two didn’t get their act together soon, she was calling in the reinforcements. Shiro and Allura were the only other ones that could knock some sense into Keith’s stubborn head, even if they usually stayed pretty busy taking care of their _actual_ children.

***

Pidge walked into the apartment, before immediately wishing she had chosen to go buy fucking knitting needles and then used them to gouge out her own eyes instead. It would have been preferable.

Anything would have been preferable to seeing her roommate spread out beneath Hunk (who admittedly was fine as hell) on the couch with his legs wrapped around Hunk’s waist while they made out and moved their hips… suspiciously. 

“How have I never found out if pouring bleach directly into your eyes will kill you?” She mumbled to herself as she watched an embarrassed Hunk jerking away from her best friend with a furious blush, “I really need to go run that experiment. Right now.”

Keith rolled his eyes and huffed, even as he pulled Hunk down to sit beside him. “Cut the drama, Pidge. We’re fully clothed; I’ve walked in on you doing far worse with Lance.”

Pidge frowned defensively, “What I do with Lance is my own business. Besides, maybe if you would stop ignoring the socks on the doorknob, you wouldn’t have walked in on us doing **anything**.”

Keith raised an eye at her significantly, and Pidge’s mind instantly flashed back to a detail on the doorknob that she had previously disregarded but now suddenly gained significance. That damn, petty asshole. He couldn’t have just texted her? He knew that unlike him, she never paid much attention to any world that wasn’t programmable data or hardware. Seriously.

…But, hell, they had both been waiting for Hunk to finally fall into Keith’s arms for so long that she would give him this one. Not before giving Hunk a little warning about his potential future, though. 

“Hunk,” Pidge said sweetly to the fidgeting man who had been silently sitting next to Keith and blushing, “You may be sunshine and marshmallows and happiness personified, but break my best friends heart and I am still not going to feel guilty about handcuffing you to him so that you are forced to watch his mopey, heartbroken self-mourn his one true love until his emo-routine at the height of its emo-ness finally breaks you and you chew off your own hand just to escape. So don’t break my best friend’s heart. For your own sake.”

“Um.” Hunk said at that, looking slightly freaked out while Keith glared murder at her from beside him. What was it, two minutes into their relationship and Keith already looked ready to kill for him? She hoped Hunk knew what he was signing himself up for. “That was, uh, a really interesting shovel talk, Pidge. Bonus points for originality?” 

Pidge blinked at him silently, “No, you don’t get it.” She said blankly, “I would 100% do exactly that. No joke. So don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re lying handless in a hospitable bed.”

And with that, Pidge smiled her evilest gremlin smile before putting on her best You-Bet-I’m-A-Kickass-Queen-Mother-Fuckers air and making her grand exit back out of the apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was started during my Daddy kink fic, because I couldn't think of another scene where Keith would want to troll Hunk (who is an angel) but I hated that I associated Hunk heavily with food, something that happens far too often. (Even though I **do** think that as a chef, Hunk is driven with the need to feed his people.)
> 
> So I decided that to make up for it (and show my love for him) I would write a ship drabble for Hunk. (It wound up larger then I thought it'd be, but I ain't mad.) I don't know how Pidge wound up being the POV character - if you look closely, you can see where she and Keith battle it out for POV in the first section - but that's how it turned out. Hope it's at least fairly enjoyable! Feel free to point out mistakes!


End file.
